"Citrix Secure MetaAccessFrame Presentation CashScaler Gateway Manager Suite 5.3", in the New Product Announcements forum on BrianMadden.com

Just Announced! "Citrix Secure MetaAccessFrame Presentation CashScaler Gateway Manager Suite 5.3"


By leveraging industry standard best-practice optimizations, this product will empower businesses to access cost
effective access to access solutions, and deploy accessible access via an array of access strategies. By engaging
consulting services to perform an Access Strategy Assessment, organizations can quickly access the benefits of
delivering accessibility to access points via the access gateway. After completion of the Access Strategy
Assessment, a Senior representative will personally and individually bludgeon every single member of the
organization to death with the word "Access."

Please note that due to the dramic shift in technology, all CCEA and CCIA individuals have been decertified,
effective immediately. While an upgrade examination covering changes from previous products (primarily four
checkboxes, renaming of every component, and an improved licensing system that involves eye-of-newt) will not be
made available, a clear roadmap has been posted on our education site. CCEA certification will now require the
candidate to absorb the critical information from 9 web-based learning modules (each of which is comprised of 4
powerpoint slides, originally created on newsprint with crayolas by drunken ESL students), and an industry lauded 6
question "connect the dots" examination.

Upon completion of the web-based modules, candidates will then be required to attend 7 training classes, and pass
the corresponding examinations. While we recognize that the bulk of the material in these courses could be
condensed into a 50 page leaflet, we feel that it is vitally important that the candidate spend enormous amounts of
money on obtaining the certification, as this bestows credibility to the achievement.

The final step to certification will require the passing of a ground breaking practical examination, comprised of
100 labs focusing on information not found in any of the course material, official documentation, user groups, or
microfiche. These realistic simulations require the candidate to deduce from a series of triangles and/or squiggly
lines, exactly which of the 14 available methods of completing an individual task the course designers were thinking
of while creating the exam. The fees for this examination will be $5000 usd, and no refunds will be made available
should the examination system spontaneously self-destruct, because that won't happen, because the exam isn't a beta.
At all. Really. We think it's a good exam. So there. Nyah. Well, ok, fine... If enough of you whiney-babies
complain, we *may* change the exams scoring strategy. But you won't hear about it from us directly....

bravo.

Quality :) I guess only the channel will see the humour in it!